Keep Calm It’s Surgery Day

Surgery Day

This day was a bit of a blur. I went in very early for surgery, but luckily Shane and Mom were there with me. I got into my hospital gown (so fancy) and rubbery socks. A had a PIC line inserted to administer medication. This is when the waterworks started. I had been so brave, but for some weird reason this particular PIC line hurt me once it was in. The nurse felt horrible, but I assured her it wasn’t her fault. I just cried and cried. It must have been a moment of release for all the anxiety and fear that had built up over time. It was a good cry. Next I met with other nurses, had blood taken, and was wheeled off. I had been waiting for about two hours, but that time flew by. 

I was pleased to know my anesthesiologist was one I had met prior and trusted. My nurse in the OR had a beautiful French accent, and we walked into the operating room together.  I even think she called me a princess, so you can’t really go wrong there :-) In the corner I saw my doctor’s station- his arcade-esc style machine with the controls that would perform my operation. I saw lights and a tiny table that I would actually be lying on during surgery. They gave me very comfortable arm rests, which I imagine may have strapped my arms down during the procedure. I climbed up with a smile on my face. I trusted everyone around me and felt beyond blessed.

I don’t remember much about waking up. I did have a sore throat and a new nurse, “Miss Lynsey,” as I guess I called her. Around me were beeps, and tubes, and a curtain. I felt cozy and protected. No pain, and I was able to just rest. This recovery area held me for over 7 hours. I was perfectly fine, but there were no empty rooms for me to begin my ticket out of the hospital. Bariatric recovery and new mothers share a wing... and guess who had priority over rooms. So, I made myself at home in my little curtain cocoon. I’m sure I listened to “Elvis Christmas,” but no one can be sure, all we know is that I did get my headphones and eye mask. Miss Lynsey checked on me frequently and even made special arrangements for mom and Shane to see me. I was so grateful, as visitors aren’t really allowed there. However, I think this special circumstance would not have been debated. Shane assured me that I introduced them to all the nurses, and especially Miss Lynsey. During my stay tucked in the curtains, I did a lot of staring off into space, sleeping, and that’s all I can remember.

Finally, around 8pm I had a room! I would be staying one overnight at the hospital (at least) and now I had a place to see my family and get settled. The best thing was they brought me a portable toilet. Walking was still tricky, as I’m sure many meds were still pumping through my veins. I was able to have ice chips! It was a shared room, but had chairs for Shane and mom. I don’t remember if dad came that night or the next morning. I do remember beginning my clear liquid diet in the hospital. It was nice to have cold water on my sore throat. I feel asleep many times I attempted to drink, but my nurse was very patient and helpful, ( the one that got to stick around... the one who was banned from my room is a story for another post!)

I am still fuzzy on many details about my stay at the hospital, but I remember doing laps around the ward, and using the real toilet. I also may have made a few phone calls and texts while I was there... we called that “drunk dialing” back in the day. I also got beautiful flowers and stuffies from my aunt and uncle and Shane too. It was a nice stay, but I was ready to go home. Everything had gone so well, my operation, my recovery, and my response to drinking, walking, et all. We were ready to come home.

Mom, Dad, and Shane were amazing as they set me up at home. I am so blessed to have such a supportive family. I also had phone calls and texts, and thank you all for the prayers! 

That is all my mind remembers of my day one. I’ll update you soon on how recovery has gone these last couple of week soon!

Love you all and God Bless 🎉❤️🌸

Jan 17th 2019

It is 12:48 am, and I’ve already been exercising. I not only exacuated a good amount of fluid (in the toilet), but I also walked around our ward. I’m proud of myself, due to thee amount of pain I’m in. It’s craxy how much I actually do use my stomach muscles for everyday tasks. I seem to be progressing well- I think so anyway lol. I can only sleep 3-4 hrs at a time due to my new exercise schedule- that’s the walking around the ward I was telling you about. Therefore, not only am I loopy from some of the meds, I’m sleep depeov d too!


Thank you for all the comments and well wishes. My heart is so full ❤️

This place s Aleece,
And here’s to another new day 🎉

Surgery-Eve

Jan. 15th 2019

It’s surgery-eve! I have my bag packed, have my braids in, and am lying on fresh sheets. I’m just taking deep breaths now, telling myself, “I can do this!” And I can :) I am a little nervous... or a lot nervous, but so grateful for this surgery. I am looking forward to taking Memphis on walks, playing on the playground with Aubrey, walking through the grocery store, and taking a bath in our tub! These are just a few of my goals for the coming year. I well up with tears thinking about the excitement of this year, and know the hard work will be SO worth it. 

I check in early tomorrow with my folks and Shane. I will be allowed liquids until 2am, and am allowed to take my meds in the morning. Other than that, nothing but clear liquids after 8pm tonight. I have to use special soap tonight and tomorrow, and no lotions or perfumes. I assume they want everything as sterile as possible. I have new pajamas and a new bathrobe to take with me. I bought fuzzy pick flip-flops to match my robe... but they are so new they are a little slippery.... maybe I’ll bring them just for fashion ;)

In my bag I have a change of clothes, toiletries, a book, charger, iPad, Vaseline, hair ties, my robe, slippers, a blanket Shane made, and headphones. It’s at least one overnight, so I need to be prepared. I think I’ll use a picture of Aubrey as my bookmark, but part of me thinks I’ll be sleeping a lot. They definitely want me walking in the hospital to avoid blood clots and keep my lungs clear. Maybe I should bring something so I can sing? That should clear my lungs, lol. 

I just got positive thoughts and good vibes. May everything go according to plan, may the doctor get plenty of rest, and may everyone have a sense of peace as I go through the procedure.

Thank you again my friends and family! Love you so ❤️

Getting Excited!

Jan. 12th, 2019

We are inching closer and closer to my surgery date. I have completed my aftercare class, my preop appointment, my nutrition class, and my last appointment with my doctor. Everything is full steam ahead, and going really well. The more I learn, the more excited I become about my surgery. Not that I’m necessarily excited to have surgery, but I know that this is going to open a whole new world for me for the rest of my life. I’ve learned a lot about myself over this process, how to cope with the stress of the ups and downs from questioning my choices, to stalls in medical approved. Also, my own demons in my head about what it means for me to have bariatric surgery in the first place. I’m in a really good place right now, but there have been days where it’s hard. 

Currently, the doctor has asked me to do a liquid diet until surgery. I was anticipating this, so I stocked up on protein drinks, protein water, and Gatorade. I still have some shopping to do for right after surgery, I will be on a complete clear liquid diet for at least a week after surgery. I’ll be sipping from a small medicine cup, with the goal of 48 ounces of liquid a day. It is a little tricky been on a liquid diet, when your second year wedding anniversary falls right smack in the middle of it. I will allow myself just a little bit of something solid to eat on Sunday evening, but other than that everything has just been super, protein drinks, water, Gatorade… Pretty much anything liquidy and of course chewing on ice. I know some of you may cringe at that comment, but I love it LOL. My doctor also said that I could have the small chipped ice from sonic After surgery, so that is a definite plus. 

I found a diagram of my surgery, that I thought would be interesting for everyone to see. It’s not graphic, it’s a cartoon and you’ll see it below this post. The first picture shows where they will remove part of my stomach and also cut part of my intestine up by my stomach . The second picture shows what my stomach will look like after surgery, part of my lower intestine will be attached to my stomach. I also found out that the doctor has decided to take out my gallbladder. I didn’t originally intend on having my gallbladder removed, but I do have a fairly large gall stone and this saves me a trip to the emergency room. 

I will try to update at least once a week on each phase of my recovery. I may even write something from my hospital bed, so we will see how coherent or silly that post will end up.

Each day my emotions change, today I’ve had a great day, yesterday was tough, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I just keep having a positive outlook, and believing in myself. I know people out there have been praying for me, that must be how I am getting all of this strength. Thank you again so much for all of your support! It absolutely means the world to me :-) God bless and have a beautiful weekend.

Getting Closer

 Jan. 6th, 2019

The date is getting closer and closer for me to have any surgery. I’ve had one appointment so far that has taught me about pre-surgery care post-op care, mostly just the medical aspect of things-medicine and letting your sterri strips fall off when they’re ready. It was invigorating I have to admit, in those luls between appointments I get a little apprehensive about if this is the right thing to do. Then I see the other people who are in the same boat and I appreciate their journey. It makes me appreciate my own.

In the midst of getting ready for surgery, I was encouraged to join several online forums to talk about what it’s all going to be late. One of the things that I have noticed on these groups is a lot of before and after photographs. It’ll show the person before the surgery and the person drastically smaller. I think that encouragement is great for that community. However, as someone who has struggled with eating disorders most of her life, those before and after pictures are almost poison.   I don’t mean to be overdramatic, but the reality is I can’t allow this surgery to be about what I look like. I can’t focus on the size of my body as it changes, I can’t measure my thighs and my waist and my chest and my hips, I can’t allow this tool that is intended to help me have a better life, drive me off the cliff in a matter of words. I’ve struggled with anorexia, bulimia, and also binging. This is something that will unfortunately follow me my entire life, and having my body change so drastically, so quickly causes me to be aware that I am susceptible to falling back into old patterns. So I don’t want to take away from the victory of those sharing before and after pictures, but I do have to avoid looking at them.

Do I want to look in the mirror and see the person I’m used to seeing, of course I do.  I want to see “myself. “But regardless of my outside, I’m still me. I keep my focus on the nutrition aspect, and the mobility aspect. Those are my goals. Although, I will definitely relish the opportunity to slide into a pair of jeans that I couldn’t wear prior to the surgery. It’s all a matter of balance, anything for me that is the story of my life. I am on this earth to learn balance for my life, and I think even with this procedure I can do the same thing. It’s OK for me to like what I see when I start losing weight, but I can’t allow myself to fixate on the body aspect. I also wanted to mention, that I am going to be adding a couple different types of blog entries but I will label them so that if it’s not something that interests you I a I will definitely relish the opportunity to slide into a pair of jeans that I couldn’t wear prayer for the surgery. It’s all matter balance.

For me, that is the story of my life. I am on this earth to learn balance for my life, and I think even with this procedure I can do the same thing. It’s OK for me to like what I see when I start losing weight, but I can’t allow myself to fixate on the body aspect.

I also wanted to mention, that I am going to be adding a couple different types of blog entries but I will lable them. I have some folks who are interested in my journey with PCOS, and those who it may make a little squeamish, LOL. So I will always label those entries. I thank you so much for your support, and I definitely need your good vibes and prayers more than ever as the days get closer and closer to January 16th. Your kind words, your support, anytime you reach out just to say hi it really really means a lot to me. Thank you guys so much :-) I hope you’ve all had a beautiful holiday.

God’s Generosity (A Devotion)

In the midst of this surgery, one of the things that I hav yet to do is ask God if this is right for me. I think it’s easy to assume that because doors are open, God wants you to walk through them. But, I think also we have to have the wisdom to discern which doors God is calling us through. I only have but mere days before my procedure and so I decided instead of asking a friend instead of ignoring my thoughts, that I would dive into some kind of devotion and the Bible. 

First I grabbed the Bible and then I grabbed Free of Charge.

It’s a book that I was assigned to read in graduate school and absolutely fell in love with. I recommend it to anyone especially those of the Christian faith. I recommend to non-Christians because I think it’s a better reflection of what Christianity is. I think it’s a better reflection of what Jesus calls of us. Originally I was going to skim book, looking at just the portions I had highlighted but instead I decided to read it cover to cover. One of the things that stood out to me tonight is “we are saved by God‘s generosity. “ I simmered on that thought for a moment. As I look around my bedroom I come to the realization that everything I have is through God‘s generosity, not because I work hard enough to get it or my dad was able to provide it for me, but God was generous enough to allow me to have the things that I have.

I’ve always had this vision in my head of being successful and married and have a huge house and many children by the time that I reach 35. This story is a story, the reality is much different. I dream about moving into a bigger nicer home, though homeownership is out of our reach due to my student loans. But reading this quote, it dawned on me that God is being generous and allowing me to focus on my health, without having to worry about money. So, God is sending down generosity and yet I would, instead of looking at what he is generously providing for my family, I’m looking in a different direction wanting more. It was just a wake up call, that although I was seeking answers for a different question I think that the reminder to be grateful and thankful for God‘s enormous generosity that surrounds every bit of my home. It’s not just the things, it’s the doctors, it’s my family, it’s my dog Memphis. 

God is pouring out generosity to me at this moment in time, but what does that mean for other people? What does that mean for other people who are not in the situation that I am in. Why is God and not showing on the same generosity, because the whole point of this book is that were saved by grace and not deed. So it’s not that I am a “good person” and therefore I get things. I suppose that pondering is better left for another day.