Good Friends

May 8th, 2010

So it's early Saturday morning, or late Friday night depending on how you look at it...Had a great day today at the zoo with some of my most favorite people in the whole world: Lizzy, Phoenix, and Scarlett. Lizzy is my best friend, we met when I attended Green River Community College in 2002, almost instantly we were connected. I had reminded her of a friend who had passed away, and she had something in her that I knew was honest love. And today she and her children (Phoenix - 4, & Scarlett -2) are like my family! The zoo wasn't just amazing because of the whole day I got to spend with them and our other friends, but because we visited Janell's brick. Janell is Lizzy's eldest daughter, who came into this world silently July 25th 2004. The whole experience of losing Janell has changed me forever as she will be alive in my heart forever. There is a brick in memory of her at the Point Defiance Zoo right in front of the entrance to the carousel. I thought that her brick was at the Woodland Park Zoo, and I have searched there many times to find it! Its been here all along, this statement brings me to tears, because she has been here all along. I can't wait to visit it again and think about her. She's always with me, but it is nice to have something tangible to come alongside her memory. Enough tears! I rejoice in knowing her and getting to hold her someday, and until that day I'm in a way honoring her memory by taking care of my body.

The last few days have been pretty good. I don't know why, but the morning is always the hardest to be motivated to eat right, or eat at all. I think because for me the morning sets to tone for the rest of the day...if I don't get my meal in I don't have the energy to exercise, or the motivation to eat right for the rest of the day. So I tell myself, "Just get through the morning," and remind myself how simple this really can be.

Again, it might sound strange to you that I have to persuade myself to eat, but I have a history of struggling with eating disorders. It started in junior high until some friends found out, and then started back up again Senior year in HS. Ever since then I have had difficulty going too far in either direction - I eat too much, or not at all. I have to consciously tell myself when and how to eat, because I have messed with this natural trigger for so long. There is also evidence that my bulimia is related to my now condition of PCOS.

Wanted to give a quick explanation of what PCOS is. Basically, my hormones are so whacked (too little estrogen) that I don't ovulate. My body will try to ovulate, but because it doesn't have enough hormone to actually get out, cystis can form from the egg. In a nutshell, that's what I've got. I haven't shown any actual cysts, praise God, because that is what we have been preventing all these years. We knew I had PCOS because I didn't have a period for months during the summer, and so when my hormone levels were checked, the Doctor diagnosed me with PCOS.

What is the difficult part of the meds now is that I'm not seeing results. I don't feel like I've lost any weight, which is supposed to come along with this medicine, proper diet, and exercise. So far...I look and feel the same. The other obvious result that I can't see, and wont see for a while is the ability to have children. This is so hard as a girl of my culture who wants to see results "now." I want to see the fruits of my labor. But a friend of mine gave me some great encouragement in that I am experiencing trust in God every time I take that medicine. I don't know if it will work, but I have the hope that it will, and every day I take it. I don't know what God has planned for my life, but every day I put my trust in Him. This isn't something to be taken lightly, I have struggled with trust in God for much of my Christian life. So Cassandra (my wise friend with fabulous advice) said that this is an opportunity to trust in God - that some day He will bring me my babies.

I have been very lucky that so many people have come in and out of my life at times when I needed them. Some friendships will continue on for the rest of my life, and some will fade into memories. But, they have all been important just like you have been important to me. Thank you again for coming along side me in this journey.
~Aleece