He was my world

Nov. 12th, 2012

It is with the heaviest of hearts and a cascade of tears that I tell you all my precious Cole is gone. My puppy, Coltrane, was the light of my life, and now lives in the clouds with the angels. He was one of the most amazing creatures to ever grace God's Earth. He loved everyone and was loved by everyone; I still find it hard not to smile when I look at his pictures. He was hyper, and silly, jumpy, and patient, lovable, and loyal - the greatest dog I have ever known.

About two years ago I suffered a nervous breakdown. It was the scariest thing that has ever overtaken my body. I was afraid of life, the outdoors, other people, and open spaces. I wanted to hide - I wanted to die. It was the deepest depression of my life to date. One of the places I found refuge was my Gramma and Aunt's home; this is where I met Cole.

My Aunt's dog gave birth to 9 puppies during this time. I met the puppies while they were still "baking" in the "oven" weeks before my severe depressive episode and knew our family would be taking home a puppy from this litter. I was determined to have a little girl puppy to call my own. Sure enough, on Nov. 14th 2010 a beautiful little girl, later to be named "Roxy" was born.

I visited the puppies about 2 and a half weeks after they were born, and although I knew I was taking home a little girl puppy in a few weeks, one precious boy melted my heart. He was black and white - just beautiful, with a little pink nose and the softest paws. He had light eyes and loved to cuddle. A few weeks later I visited my Gramma and Aunt and was faced to faced with this sweet little boy once again.

I begged my mom and dad to bring two puppies home instead of one. They miraculously agreed - must have been my impeccable negotiating skills. But really, I just knew I wanted Cole - at this early time we had already bonded. His name, I thought so LONG and hard about his name. He had to have a jazz name, with such a cool look. One of my favorite movies was "Mr. Holland's Opus," and he had named his son after the jazz sax player John Coltrane. COLTRANE! That was it, that was his name. I know many people to this day have a hard time relating that big name to a wiggly little dog, but I just knew that was his name. Cole for short.

I had visited the puppies almost every two weeks since they were born. I was still dealing with crippling depression along with several other issues. I slept often during my visits. When I would get up from my lengthy nap, the puppies would usually be taking their evening nap, all except for Cole. Like clockwork every day he was the only puppy awake when I would enter the living room; I believe he sensed something in me. I would scoop him up and lay him on my chest. We would play a little, he would chew on my hair, snuggle up in my neck, and quickly fall asleep. He loved to sleep on me ;)

Cole was my rehabilitation from depression during that time in my life. He was my world. I fed him (and Roxy of course), bathed him, walked him, took him to puppy kindergarten, taught him tricks, potty trained him, and sang him to sleep. He was my world. He gave me strength to leave the house, he made me smile when my heart was hurting, he gave me unconditional love when I felt I was alone and unloved. He was my world.

During his two years on this Earth, Coltrane was my rock - the love of my life. I cried so many times on his shoulder. He would sniff my tears and kiss my cheeks. Although he may not have understood crying, he knew I needed him and was completely devoted to me. I have never loved anything like I loved Cole. I made the hour trip often to see him when Mom and Dad moved. He and I did my first 5K together, trained for it together, and visited the puppy park to play. I could go on and on about this animal...but this post is getting long.

Cole was my hope. He was my love. And he was my world. When life hurt and threw me curve balls, he was always there to show me that at least one being loved me no matter what. He made me smile in the darkest times, and helped me to experience pure love. I will miss my precious puppy so deeply. I don't know when the grieving will stop, but I know I never want the memories to go away. The vet gave us a paw impression the day he was put to sleep, and it brings me so much comfort.

To me, he was the greatest dog in the world. He was my world and I will never forget him.

Goodnight my baby boy, rest well, and enjoy the beaches in Heaven.
I Love You,
Your Mama CeeBee