I can still hope

Oct. 13th, 2012
(Again)

I wrote so late last night that it was actually today....you get it ;)

Not much going on today...had a rough time sleeping last night and then of course I was awake during Adam's lunch break...that was a horrible temptation. But, I was strong and kept busy. I was in a lot of pain today. I am not supposed to be lifting anything heavy for another couple of weeks, but I didn't realize packing my car with clothes, my C-PAP, computer, make-up, and backpack would be too heavy to lift without getting hurt. Yup, I was wrong and in CRAZY pain once I got to the house I am house-sitting fore. Ended up having to take a Vicodin, which made things MUCH butter. But I have to say I was really sluggish today...and very sleepy. I didn't nap, but really wanted to. I watched a couple of videos online, actually had lunch and dinner which is huge, and moped over Adam. A nice day actually, LOL.

Now it's night time, and the nights have been the hardest since not being with Adam anymore. No late-night phone calls, no movies and cuddles, no companion. Just me. In the quite. I HATE the quite; those times are filled with my mind wandering, and right now I just want my mind of be focused.

I did have a little epiphany today...just because Adam doesn't want to be with me doesn't mean I have to give up on my hope for a family someday. I'm sure that sounds obvious, but it wasn't for me. I was so fixated  on, "This is who I want, and this is how I want my life to happen." I have to allow myself to hope for a new future, without Adam but still with my dream of a family.

Needing some prayer for hope, direction, and drive. I am still hurt so deep, but trying to move forward.

God Bless,
~A